A prison of my own making

Description

A prison of my own making” ballpoint pen on paper 19*25 inches

It’s a race inside my head, thoughts running so fast I can’t keep track
Is this how it is for others or does my brain just hate me a little more than other people’s brains do?
I don’t know how to break out of this place, drowning in the rhythms of my heartbeat as the blood pumps through my skull
Existing shouldn’t be this hard, expectations of excellence turned into golden bars holding me captive
My torturer can’t even make up his mind cycling through all the spectrum of emotions, green with jealousy while red with rage, blue with melancholy while purple with hope, I can’t keep up with it
I wanna break free
I want to feel like life is worth living but if I’m incapable of breaking out of a prison I made, how can I ever hope to function in a society made by people whose thoughts and patterns remain a mystery to me?
So tell me, what do you do when your biggest enemy lives right there in your skull??